The Simple Guide to Understanding Shame in Children by Betsy de Thierry

Author:Betsy de Thierry
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9780857013361
Publisher: Jessica Kingsley Publishers
Published: 2018-08-27T16:00:00+00:00

Being compared

As mentioned in Chapter 2, when adults compare children to each other in order to motivate them to be better at something, the child can become sad and feel shamed that they cannot do something. Comparison can cause shame and yet society seems to be driving us to compare ourselves because it seems to model comparison and shaming as normal behaviours and seems to laugh at the thought that it causes long-term emotional impact.

Parents have often been taught to use comparison to shame children in the name of discipline: ‘Little Johnny never does that – why do you?’ and ‘If you do that again I’ll tell all the neighbours.’

Teachers can often use comparison to shame children but often do not realize that the words they use are shame-based. I heard only this week of a headmaster who publicly shamed children in assembly for being naughty by getting them to stand up and listing their behaviours publicly. This would have had long-term impact on the children’s emotions, relationships, learning and self-esteem.

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